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November 21, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. The creators of the Lammily Doll, a realistic version of Barbie, are offering special sticker packs which allow kids to give the dolls acne, cellulite and tattoos. As a result, the makers of the...

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December 10, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. On Monday, Prince William and Kate Middleton attended a Brooklyn Nets game with Jay-Z and Beyonce. Not to be outdone, Prince Charles and Camilla were allowed to play point guard for the New York...

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January 15, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. A recent Delta flight from Cleveland to New York took off with just two passengers. Yet somehow when the second passenger got on board all the overhead compartments were already full. 2. The...

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February 25, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. A woman in Mexico was arrested this week after being caught masturbating during a screening of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Said the woman, “I gave it two thumbs up, and the movie wasn’t bad either.” 2....

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March 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. The Washington Post reported on Wednesday that two Secret Service agents crashed a government vehicle after leaving a party last week while possibly drunk. Which explains why the White House has...

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April 10, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to reports, Hillary Clinton is expected to launch her 2016 presidential campaign sometime in the next two weeks. Said Bill, “Keggar. My place. Sometime in the next two weeks.” 2. The...

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June 30, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. Yesterday, NBC cut ties with Donald Trump and his Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants in the wake of the billionaire’s controversial comments about Mexicans. Which is bad news for Trump and even...

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July 3, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. The Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that the state must remove a granite monument of the Ten Commandments from the lawn of its capitol building. Said one state senator, “Looks like my...

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July 14, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to a federal criminal complaint, a Massachusetts man was arrested for providing aid to ISIS after his father, a Boston police captain, alerted authorities. Said the officer, “My son is...

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July 15, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. Street artist Shepard Fairey, who created the iconic Obama “Hope” poster, turned himself into police on Tuesday on charges he defaced several properties in Detroit. Begging the question, how could...

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July 30, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. Donald Trump lashed out Wednesday at a female lawyer whom he called “disgusting” several years ago for requesting a break to pump breast milk in the middle of a deposition. So congratulations to...

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November 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. The presence of Russian submarines near undersea internet cables has U.S. officials concerned that Russia could be planning to sever the lines in periods of conflict. But joke’s on you Russia, I...

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March 22, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. On Monday, the hashtag #LoveTwitter was treading because it was Twitter’s tenth birthday. Although you gotta be careful with that because the last time someone proclaimed their love for something...

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April 1, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Five top players for the World Cup champion U.S. women’s soccer team have filed a federal wage discrimination complaint claiming they are paid less than male players even though they generate more...

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April 29, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. While giving a speech in the Indiana gym made famous by the movie “Hoosiers,” Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz incorrectly referred to the basketball hoop as a ‘basketball ring.’ Because,...

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May 23, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. On Friday, Vice President Joe Biden started a speech at an Ohio ice cream factory by saying “My name is Joe Biden and I like ice cream.” But, to be fair, that how he starts every speech. 2. Google...

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June 1, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders attended the Game 7 matchup between the Golden State Warriors and Oklahoma City Thunder Monday night. Said Bernie, “When did they stop using peach...

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June 13, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Archeologists have discovered a huge ancient monument in Petra, Jordan that they say was “hiding in plain sight.” And, looking back on it, it seems pretty obvious now: 2. A solar-powered airplane...

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July 14, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. A 9-hour long standoff ended Wednesday morning when police officers entered an Oklahoma City home, only to find it completely empty. Sounds like it was Kevin Durant’s house. 2. Republican...

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September 1, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Disgraced former-Senator Anthony Weiner reportedly bragged about using his kid as a chick magnet. And he can continue to do so every other weekend. 2. Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump on...

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